Even more heated than the 08 Presidential debates, the argument over which train wreck is more gratifying to watch, Brittany Spears or Lindsay Lohan, and the never-ending tastes great versus less filling dispute, we have the Santa Claus debate. Is this so-called St. Nick good or evil? I have traveled the often scary and rarely illuminating channels of the Internet to bring you both sides of this significant discussion.
Point: Santa Claus is Satan. The Landover Baptist Church, in its satirical and bitter glory, claims that the devil indeed, "Is in your chimney." They have alleged that Satan's plan was to create jobs for homeless hobos and it quickly digresses from there about their intentions. It is their belief that Satan was jealous of the widespread and steadfast embrace of Christmas, so he tried to undermine it by making Santa even more popular than Jesus.
I must say, I wasn't convinced, but they pointed out that there are now laws that forbid a baby Jesus in town squares. And who do you find in his place? You guessed it. You will find that urine-stained, whiskey breath (or rubbing alcohol depending on whether they've been paid yet) servant of the devil, Santa. Ouch. What say you Santa supporters?
Counterpoint: He must be good because he wants to help spread the Spirit of Christmas. These Santa supporters claim that Claus is a 6'6", 300 lb. jolly elf. Contained within the website in the Nice List section is an open letter to "believers." This letter states that Santa is declaring the time from Thanksgiving to New Years as the month of NICE. Through rigorous examination, I found that the word nice appears in his letter eight times. Yes, eight times. You do the math. I further uncovered that by switching the letters of the word nice around, you get ECIN. And what happens when you search for ECIN? You get ecinsoluciones.com.
That's correct, ECIN soluciones informaticas-what I believe is the real Santa plot in a language known to his "followers" as Spanish. I may not be able to "read" this "Spanish," but I'm no fool. There is a globe on the home page people, a globe! Wake up!
By the way, Claus I Believe offers a chance to book Santa for appearances in which he will dance, sing, give out candy and gifts and let children sit on his lap-and oh yeah, and steal your children's soul! Be sure to look in the photos section where you will find a picture of Santa with his good friend and Oprah's boy toy Stedman. Further proof of evil my friends. This counterpoint has certainly turned sour for the Santa-is-not-evil crowd. Don't be spreading your "spirit" to my home sir.
This may be the last nail in the coffin of pro Santa groups. After a brief history lesson, these astute theologians go point-by-point in spelling out the basis for why you should believe that Santa is evil, and perhaps, is Satan.
There are a couple of points in particular that stood out to me. "Santa Claus lives at the North Pole, a place ABOVE the rest of us." Not enough? How about this, "Santa wears a red furry suit," is "always pictured as an old man with white hair like wool" and "has the ability to defy the laws of gravity and fly around giving gifts to people." A Bible verse that loosely corresponds to each argument is supplied, but more importantly, these points spell out what everyone has been scared to say, Santa is an evil plot and a bit of a freak.
Make up your own mind based on the evidence presented. If you have the evil inclination to support Santa and his causes, so be it, that is totally up to you. Merry Christmas Netscapade fans, friends and family!
|
