by brenton crozier
If you’ve filed your taxes, you know that you are probably getting a rebate in the following months as part of the government’s stimulus package. The thinking behind this is that when people get their check, an average of $300 to $600, they will go out and spend it on disco balls, candy corn and whatever else it is the kids are buying these days. I wanted to see for myself if this was truly the thought process regular folks had for their incoming funds, so I waded into the great unwashed around Jacksonville and asked. Where will people spend their tax rebate? Much of the $117 billion tax rebates between May and August will be saved or used to pay down debt as opposed to new spending. Boring! But the bottom line is that even if only 20% of us spend our windfall buying stuff like refrigerators…or better yet beer, there’s still going to be some positive boost to economic growth. Most of us will get about a 5% boost to our bank account. And maybe if we just enjoy some of the extras (fun stuff) we’ve been missing, it’ll boost our spirits too.
People have really different ideas on how they’ll spend their bucks. A large number surveyed have decided to peg the fun-meter and let the rebate rain and the mullah flow.
“It’s all about hookers and beer. The problem is that $600 doesn’t go as far as it used to. It used to be that you could get top-quality in both categories for that type of cash. Now, you either have to go mid-range on both, or completely compromise your standards in one area or the other, and it becomes a consideration of whether you want to sacrifice taste or well-being. Essentially, it’s a matter of going from imported to domestic beer and domestic to imported... well, you get the idea.”
Steve – 44-Years Old, Lawyer
Some have illusions of grandiose wealth that get deflated by some reality preaching…
“I’m totally getting a 1968 Ludwig snare drum for my kit. Me and my band, Our Fist Your Face, is starting to get pretty big and playing a lot of shows”. At this point, Mike was interrupted by his roommate Karl who he refers to as “Killjoy Karl.” Karl told Mike that he owed him that money for back rent and utilities and asked him when he was going to grow up. Mike proceeded to tell Karl how lame he was and said something about taking his corporate desk job and shoving it up something. The argument escalated and I left, but not before I heard Karl sarcastically refer to Mike as John Bonham like three times.
Mike – 23-Years Old, Drummer in Local Band
“I was all like w00t, getting a rebate check from the feds! Now I can continue to pwn all those n00bs that think they can touch Karnak! I’m like zomg you think you can duel with me? It just makes me rofl. That check is going to give me at least three more sweet years of WoW. I also wanted to do some painting and really pimp out my room, but my mom was like, no way Karnak, your father would kyo oya (kick you out on your ass).”
Karnak the Ruthless – 33-Years Old, Level 70 Night Elf Warrior (Unemployed)
Of course if Karnak didn’t file a return with the IRS – on time - no checky!
Self improvement ranked high in the survey…and so does catty competition.
“I’m going to get a Botox treatment and then a copious amount of martinis. Don’t group me in with those desperate housewife whores, like the ones in the marketing department. There’s nothing desperate about it, most your boyfriends are looking at me anyway. The Botox just ensures that I continue to look good, and the martinis just numb the pain.”
Cindy – 47-Years Old, Executive at Financial Planning Company
And then there’s….
“I will be using my rebate to continue paying the taxes I owe for the year. The check is a bit of a tease, but without the initial benefits. Otherwise, I would have probably gone for $600 worth of silly string and Oreo cookies. Yes, I’ve dreamed of that moment since watching Big.”
Brenton – 30-Years Old, Copywriter
So do your part Jacksonville, stimulate the economy with that cash. EU does not condone spending your entire rebate on hookers or living with your parents at age 33.
Article Published in the May 2008 Issue of EU Jacksonville
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